#need

can i just have a happy and fair friendship? i mean i love them yes i do but i somehow felt left over. is it just me or it really is happening. is it because of me? 

a friend of mine once told me that she hates people who is not punctual because she really valued time. the best part is, i was on my way meeting her and i was the last one to arrive which means i was an hour late. they don't understand me.

i wish they know my situation where my family is not really fond of sending me anywhere i wanted to because they are not my personal driver. i wish they understand that i have to followed their timing not mine. i've been scold quite a few times because of this. They often ask me if i wanted to go out, who will fetch me. because they always said 'it always you who help sent your friends, why can't they just once fetch you at home if they really wanted to go out with you?'

wow i guess reality hits me when people talks without you. going out without you.

when i was in high school, i have this one friend. to be honest i am admitting that she's the only one friend that i have ever wanted but people changes. as much as i want her with me, all mine. she didn't bother to ask me to be hers, all hers because i'm not the kind of friend.

i sometimes feels like leaving them. starting my own. but i can't. i need my friends around me but most of them changed. Maybe it was me who makes them change.

Dear God, I want my friends back.